Failed

Today I woke up with the ultimate feeling of complete failure running through me. I've always had this nagging guilt in the back of my head that I evicted Matthew earlier than when he was ready by having a c-section (which even looking back Raul and know it was the BEST decision for us). Then it came to feeding him. I was so pleased that he instantly took to breast feeding just thirty minutes after being born. He was a champion feeder. Today, I woke up completely dried up. I couldn't even manually express any milk and this is after taking some really nasty tasting herbal supplements that are supposed to boost the milk supply in just one dose. What I think they mean is that you have to already have a milk supply to boost. Mine had already been running on empty. I don't know what happened this time around. Joshua nursed for 14.5 months before weaning himself. Matthew on the other hand won't even take the breast anymore. He now kicks his legs and squeals with delight when he sees the bottle come into view and it is hilarious, but sad at the same time because that was the view I always had when I came into a room and he was being held by someone else. He would kick his legs, squeal, and give me a big gummy smile.
I must say I fed him for nearly seven months. He is growing quickly and is a happy baby boy. I just wish I could have made it the whole year. Now I am trying to find the best feeding schedule for him and hope I get it right.